it seems like no matter how I force myself to think of better things, my mind has a way of thinking about him. the same nightmare has been haunting me for a very long time. I told him about it long ago during one of the times i broke contact to send him some helpful information regarding his health. like it was basically a packet designed to fit his needs. his diet is not fulfilled properly because his parents or him don't see it as a big deal. yeah it is a big deal now. one of the symptoms of this thing is loss of appetite so that explains how little he eats. somehow he's gotta take care of himself. i can only put faith in him that he is now taking care of himself regarding this issue. this includes his dietary needs also. cuz you can't fight it with jut medication.. your body has to have the right kind of diet too. I stressed the importance of his diet in that health packet I sent him.. in hopes that it will enhance his strength to fight this battle. internally and externally. I guess it's my conscious saying that I'm still concerned about him. I'm afraid to wake up sometimes because in some dreams, I'm able to talk to him and lend a helping hand.. when I wake up he's gone. that isn't the nightmare tho. that's my dream I get. my brains way of coping? I think so. but here's the counter productive nightmare.. the nightmare that haunts me in my sleep is the one of where he is sitting down in the dark.. I'm above in the light and I see him suffering. in pain, screaming out for help, crying.. and in the nightmare I try to reach out to him and it seems like I can't. so horrific because I wake up feeling helpless in this situation. well I guess I have already drawn my line. since he doesn't want me to suffer for life with him, I just gotta let him handle his battle first. I wish everybody was made healthy. all these illnesses and sicknesses shorten life spans of loved ones that have so much potential. in regards to TP, I do not know to what extent of this thing he has, but I can only trust him that he's doing this for the best.. I never really valued my health like that until this. you see things in another perspective and when you compare what you got to what other people have... you know you have it easier than someone out there who is going through constant pain.
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