I didn't realize it was the end of the decade until I looked twice at the year. Amazing how time flies because I remember it was just yesterday when I was looking into my 4th grade pencil box checking off my school supplies. Back then, I lived in California and the schools there did not look like a prison. It seems like the schools built recently are more modernized and industrialized. That's expected. The schools that I went to when I was living in California were built long ago, so that may be a reason why they aren't "prison looking." I think the education system is set in a way that it has hidden agendas that are enforced throughout ones life. Like say for instance, you get detention for being late to school. To the kids, it seems like a hassle. But the lesson behind this is that in the real world, you can't be late to work. Well you can, but you won't be getting a detention but you'll be at risk for losing your job. I guess you're taught the basic values from when you are young. well it looks like I kinda went off topic there.
What marked the decade? I think the most biggest event is 9/11. I certainly remember where I was and what I was doing. It's one of those moments where you will never forget. My sociology teacher in high school (junior year) had a discussion with my class one time about the events in the decade that changed his life. His generation was marked by the space shuttle disaster. And he asked us what we thought ours, and almost all of us agreed that it was 9/11. My world history teacher in 9th grade told us stories about what he experienced his generation too. He was a football coach in his younger years but then taught history. Kinda weird because I notice that most of the coaches in my high school were at one time coaches or ARE still coaches and they eventually move onto teaching history. Anyways, he told us during his elementary school years that there were drills. Not earthquake drills. But nuclear drills. Yeah, he lived during the cold war era where the constant threat of nuclear war was "this" close. One press of the button would cause disaster. I watched a documentary on the National Geographic Channel a while back and it was a show about the government operations that took place during the Cold War "Era". Turns out the government built shelters underground and they planned that if the event of Nuclear war ever came about, that the shelters would serve use. Most of the technology from the shelters (which still exist today), are outdated and the shelters are abandoned. It's fairly interesting. I am almost certain that the government today has hide out places for the "big guys" (gov't officials) - we just don't know where. I don't trust the government fully. There's probably a lot more than what meets the media because the news is somewhat regulated by the FCC. Back to my world history teacher. So in summary, his generation was marked by the Cold war. Seems like there could never be peace in this world, war is unavoidable.
I'm ready for a new beginning. Leaving many things behind.. but it's for the best. I can't revisit the past. I found love but it slipped away. My heart will love again, but I can't ever forget about what I left behind. I feel so bad for him, leaving him behind like that. But it's alright. He chose that path so I have to accept it. I have no control over the situation, but all I can do is focus on myself, the present, so that when the future comes: I'll be ready.
Songs really never made me cry or impacted my emotions. But having experienced being loved and sharing it, then losing it.. certain songs have an impact on me now. I'm thankful for having that chance. What grips onto me is the fact that he might not have the chance to be loved..ever..again. He told me he won't ever forget about me. That's a fact. I have to hold onto what is left of me.. and fly away.. into the skies, and maybe, just maybe one day our paths will cross. It's his call from now on. All I can do is walk away gracefully knowing I gave him my all; let things marinate and continue on with my life. My life doesn't stop for anybody, and it won't stop for him. He might decide to revisit his feelings when he is in a better place, but until then - I'll be away. This is for the best. I have to remind myself that. I love him, and I love him enough to let him go.. for now.. I'm letting us both go our separate ways. The chains that he has will continue to drag him down because this case is pretty heavy - damaged self + "that situation" = constant sadness inside. He needs to allow himself to get help. Nobody can force him to get help because that's up to him. But I know that I'm not giving up yet. I'm letting go. That doesn't mean I'm giving up on him, it just means that at this stage - in order to respect him and his decision - I have to. The future is open to anything but this won't hold me down.
side note: the date is: 01/01/11, awesome.
Anthony
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