I just upgraded my facebook profile to the "new" version or whatever. And you know what pictures pop up on the top.. pictures of him and I. Yes, TP and I... for those who haven't been following, my ex.
A rush of emotions and memories rushed through my body. I have to let it out. It was just a couple months ago. We were reaallly happy.. together.. nothing could stop us from what we had. Or so it seemed at the time.. The pictures of us were from homecoming. It was his homecoming actually, and I can't exactly remember the theme. I didn't plan on going to dinner/homecoming with him and it was a last minute thing. I decided last minute that the least I could do was to go to dinner with him. And so it happened.
He came over to my neighborhood to see his friend Rui. He wasn't alone though. TP's best friend along with his sister was in the car. I guess TP was everybody's ride because when I finished showering and putting on my clothes, I saw everyone in his SUV. They were all dressed up and ready to go eat and I remember I was lagging that day. I mean I was totally unprepared. I couldn't find my black dress pants so I just decided to wear a date shirt and some dark faded jeans, and some Sperry's. Pretty sharp look. The dark jeans would later be a mistake, though. I put on some cologne and did my hair, and out the door I went. I remember the moment I walked out the door, everybody in the car looked at me. His sister was wearing a purple dress. His best friend, I don't know what color she was wearing - I tihnk black. Yeah. She was wearing a black dress. And as for TP.. he was wearing all black and a red tie. He did his hair too. SO sharp. I specifically remember looking at TP for a good second or two.. and he gave me a wink. And I just had a smirk on my face from then on.
I followed his car from behind. And then I get a call on my phone. It's from him. He calls telling me that his dad called and his dad needs something. So he needs my help because his dad was like 20 minutes away, and he has his friends in the car. So he asks me if I can take them to Applebees... and, knowing how his dad is, I agreed. We stopped by at our high school (cuz it was on the way to Applebees) and everyone switches in to my car. He drives off into the opposite direction and I'm headed to Applebees. The car ride was..quiet. A couple convos here and then. I tried to start some upbeat conversations but it failed. His sister kept on getting calls from the dad asking about her whereabouts, really overprotective father. He called her like every minute. I had my iPod plugged in the car and I had a playlist specifically for fast songs. "Everytime we touch - Cascada" came on and we were well on our way to Applebees.
We got to Applebees. Parking was crowded. We went in and sat down and waited for our group to be called. TP came a bit late cuz he had troubles with his dad. But he made it on time when we were ordering food. He was a bit angry and frustrated for a while, but he calmed down. He sat across me and his friends, Anna and Hafsa sat to the right of us. We ordered the food.. he got some kinda mango lemonade and I just had water. I got some steak, with potatoes and broccoli on the side. And he had some chicken pasta. Hafsa ordered some steak and some cheese sticks. Anna ordered, I think some spaghetti. Ah man. We kinda fed each other our meals and we shared the mango lemonade. It was really cute. We would stare at each other while Hafsa and Anna were having their conversations with their friends from the table behind. It was bliss.. We were also texting each other cute little things, like I remember he complimented me saying I looked very handsome and cute. Grrr. I just wanted to jump across the table and just fly with him away, and just have him all to myself. Oops. A little greedy there, haha. But eventually, time passed and homecoming started around 9. We left late and I was planning on to get sneaked in, but that didn't work out because there were police guards guarding every entrance of the school. My first kiss, or PDA happened while I was sitting in my car. And I had everybody's ticket in his group in the car cuz his best friend left it there. He kissed me when we parted ways. Hafsa and Anna knew about us and I knew they were happy and just said "awe." While driving, that song from Backstreet boys came on. "As long as you love me." Yep.. Hafsa sang it and I was humming it under my breath. I didn't have a ticket for homecoming cuz I didn't plan on going to the dance until last minute. It was worth a shot to try to sneak in, but it was too risky and there was no way I was able to get in.
:((
Lots more happened post homecoming. but that will remain in my memories. I miss him a lot. I wish I could just take his suffering away. It has been 3 months. Our relationship lasted much shorter than that. 1 month and 3 weeks. But why am I still feeling this way towards him? Perhaps this is just a way of my heart telling me that I'm still in love with him. I don't need time as a validation of my love for him. It's always gonna be there. My poor little guy.. someday I'll reach out again - but it won't be anytime soon. We just need time apart to grow up.. I guess. We'll meet again when we're both in better places. This is my first boyfriend. And first love. For him, it's the same way too. Letting go is so fucking hard. But it's for the best.. deep down inside, I planted a seed in him. I hope it grows because this time apart will be dark for him..
We are meant to be.. my best friend even agrees.. let's just have time validate or invalidate it.
This will be the ultimate testament of true love. Letting go, and seeing if it comes back to you. Cuz if it/he does.. then it was really meant to be.
Anthony
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