He's stronger!

The picture sort of explains that he grabbed a grip of hope for his drastic situation.

I gave in and texted my ex back. I'm glad I responded. 

I still miss the relationship, but I cannot be selfish because he has better things to sort out and the best thing I can do is to be there for him. Not be there for him as in give it my all (because that's saved for relationships only), but more like some emotional support for his health. Kinda like the space in between a friend and a lover? I've learned that in break ups, the dumper's behavior is intensified and this could be compared to the temperature scale. My ex has thought about breaking up with me for a long time, but he just didn't have the guts to do it until things took a turn on his health. It's true that when somebody loves you, they would do anything to be with you but this is a different scenario. What happens when you have an underlying health condition that seems so great and painful, that you don't want to drag anyone with you? It clearly affects your way of thinking and I believe this thing has made him think negatively. 

Sure, he went cold and distant but it was for a good reason: to save my heart. He is stronger and he reached out to me after 4 months thanking me for the packet of information I gave him. I promised him that I would stay with him no matter what happens, we both made that pinky promise during our relationship but he had to break that promise for me sake and I can now see it. I've said a lot of things to him and did a lot of things, and it finally marinated in his thoughts to the point where he can contact me again.

I rethought that it would be pretty messed up if I didn't respond, giving him the message that I didn't want to have to do anything with him. That is an unhealthful way of  thinking because this is not game. Just because someone does such and such in the past, does it make it right for you to base your future interaction with them?  No. Not at all. (I've been hearing some people say that Japan deserved the disaster because of Pearl Harbor saying that it's "karma." That's just really stupid. I'll stop there.) Why play games when you only have one life time? I believe that people can change, for the better or for the worse, and certainly TP (my ex) has changed for the better. 

I acknowledged him for thanking me and told him that it was best to go see a doctor before things get worse. He replied basically saying "it's cool and okay." When I saw that text message, I thought "what kind of response is that?!" I was really shocked because I thought he was being sarcastic - in that negative mentality that he won't see a doctor. I texted back basically encouraging him to go to the doctors, suggested and recommended and gave a clear indication based on examples from talking to a couple people about his condition, and he responded back that he is only saying "it's cool and okay" to "fight to win." He also said that he's seeing a specialist today, and I told him to keep me updated where he later thanked me for my words of encouragement and I think he agreed upon keeping me updated. He said "okay okays, thanks".

I'm so happy because I think he has changed his outlook on things entirely and I'm glad I sent that package of information. He didn't care about what would happen to him health wise, but now he is a fighter. He's fighting to win. He will win. I told him that too.

I'm very sure that he is happy to hear from me, but he just isn't showing it. Inside, I just know that there's something still there hidden beneath the pain that is preventing his true feels to show. I'm also being careful as I don't want to push him into anything. I am thrilled that he is taking necessary steps to improve his health by seeing a specialist! I haven't been this happy in a long time, literally smiling right now because this could be the new beginning for him, and I. All I know is that I'm gonna stick with him, even if I end up being only a friend for some time, I'm in prepared to experience both sides of the equation.

I promised him that he would make it through and I am keeping my distance, and he is too (he has a good reason to). I'm letting him do the contacting, whereas I just respond in a nonchalant way.  The last words I told him during our break up (in which I edited a song to with my voice in at the end) was "Time will past, but don't give up on yourself. Goodbye."

He's not giving up. I'm not either.


 Edit-
This kind of reminds of this one video I watched a lot time ago. It's from Grey's anatomy. It relates to me... joining the military and all.. but I know for sure the ending in this video won't happen. Short scene, but powerful one.. lots of mixed emotions..

Anthony