Showing posts with label Jennifer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jennifer. Show all posts

Thursday, January 27, 2011

New role in family



Very often during the hot summer, my sister Jennifer and I would take a leisure walks around my neighborhood. My neighborhood is large with only one entrance to go "in and out." The structure of the houses are built very similarly and all the houses look somewhat similar. No, the houses here aren't like those of Tim Burton's Edward Scissorhands.
To give you an idea, what really sets the houses apart from one another is the appearance. These houses in my subdivision are large two story family homes big enough for a family of say 8 or more people. This sets the stage for the kinds of people that live here. I don't know what kind of jobs the other folks have in my subdivision, but I can tell you on my street alone there are people with office jobs/engineering/business owners. It is pretty much expensive to live here, and my mom is the only one paying off the bills. Like most Vietnamese people, she works and happens to be the manager at a nail salon in Downtown Atlanta. I/We have just enough to live off of, but that comes with a price. The price of her own leisure is gone. She has to work seven days a week in order to meet the expenses of this house. She leaves work around 8 or 9 the morning, comes home exhausted, around 9 in the evening. The commute to work isn't all that great with the rush hour morning traffic. I've been to work with her several times and a commute that would usually take 30 minutes, takes double that because of the congestion. Her life is not that easy, yet she still manages to provide what she can for my siblings and I. Oh and I forgot, she provides for what I see as a "pest" in the house - her boyfriend. I do not have a say so, but I can tell you that there are many things that I dislike about him, such as his laziness to clean after himself, his drinking behavior, and his ability to manipulate my mom. As much as I like to say something, I won't dwell on those degrading actions of his because you can't change someone who refuses to change themselves. I have tried mentioning it several times to my mom, but she doesn't see his damaging behavior like I do because she is used to being around those type of people, cough cough, her previous boyfriends. I don't blame my mom because her past relationships haven't been all that great. I know I am the only hope for her, and this strength to turn things around is going to have to come from within. There's no reason to cause a fuss because this isn't like a life or death situation. I've seen a lot of ugly things from Kristina's (my 3 year old sister) dad. If I have the capability to make it through what horrible things Kristina's dad did, then I'm equipped to handle any situation.

I know I am not suppose to assume the role of a parent in this household. I have talked to one of my friends about moving to California to go to college over there, but there are several factors preventing that from happening. Firstly and most importantly, what is going to happen to my sisters when I leave? What about my mom? And the house? It is a selfish thing to do in my opinion to leave everything when I know it will benefit me, but I don't want to have to live with the uncertainly that my younger siblings are growing up in the wrong hands. At least with me around, there is somebody looking over the house passively and making sure my sisters grow up on the right foundations. Each case is different and sometimes when that person is gone, such as me, the parent will have to look over for their own children. But knowing my mom, her behavior is irrational and I can't trust her boyfriend at all. Yes, moving to California and pursuing in my education there will mean leaving everything here behind. It'll be better for me because I won't have to deal with the stress here. But it's a selfish thing to do.. I believe that family is important, and when you feel that you are the only glimmer of hope for your own siblings, who have a blood relation with you, then you should stick around when nobody else is. I can suck it up and be the guard for my siblings. There's high tensions around the house between my mom's boyfriend and I, but I don't let that stop me from providing the proper attention and needs my sisters do. There are many other reasoning, but that's the most important one. The thought of moving back to California is crossed out.

I have to step up my game now, in regards to my sisters. Kristina goes to a caretaker every week and I can tell she does not receive the correct discipline she needs. She is very defiant and says very bad words in Vietnamese. Where does this arise? The people who take care of her. In other words, the caretaker. She is only three years old, and I guess you can say this cussing behavior is not normal of that in a three year old. It's absurd. Did I also mention the caretaker is my mom's boyfriend mother? 

I am thinking on my days off of school and weekends, that I should be responsible in watching over Kristina at home. My school schedule is to where I could watch her every other day. Yes, it is a huge task to watch over her, teach her the correct manners, some English, to sum up basically be a "Dad" for her. It's a lot of work and I know that. I know I am going to have kids of my own someday, so I might as well take it as a benefit for both my mom and I. My mom's benefit is she wouldn't have to pay overpriced fees for this baby sitter who doesn't do any good.  My own benefit is that I'll learn some future parenting. 

I'm also thinking of getting a pet to help along with this also. I know I'm probably gonna go crazy after the first weeks knowing how playful Kristina is, so I kinda envision a pet in the picture to help with this. That way, Jennifer, Kristina, and this "pet" will keep each other company while I am doing my own thing. I'm planning on to talk to my mom tonight about all this, so hopefully she will let me watch over Kristina, which I believe I will provide much much better care for her than the baby sitter. 

On a side note: Kristina is home and is downstairs with Jennifer. I guess Kristina did something wrong and she's being yelled at by him. You really aren't suppose do that.. um. Well time to go downstairs and take her out of this. 




Tuesday, January 18, 2011

About me

Well, I guess I should probably do an about me post. Weird that I haven't really noticed that I've been missing one (at least a short intro). I guess this will be a mere skeleton of who I am. This will probably give you guys an outline of who I am. Nutshell post. More specifics later for those who still remain interested.

  • I'm Anthony. Not my real name due to obvious privacy reasons. 
    • I'm obviously a male, haha. 
    • Asian-Caucasian mix.  
    • I grew up without having a father in my life. My mom was absent for the most part of my life until my high school years
    • two younger half-sisters.
      • Kristina - 3 years old
      • Jennifer is 9.
  • currently living in metropolitan area of Atlanta, Georgia.
    • raised in SoCal (Southern California) but moved here during my first year of high school. Big change, all for the better though.
      • What moving has done for me: allowed me to find my identity and allowed myself to gain independence.
      • What I mean by finding my identity? Well.. basically my sexuality. 
        • I'm gay.
          • I'm not out to my family, but I am out to my friends. I think it was Oct. 2008 that I finally fully accepted who I am, with the support of my best friends one of which is no longer "my best friend."
          • I do plan on coming out to my family in the future. They are not like hardcore religious. In fact, we don't even attend religious services that often. 
            • We are "Buddhist." But I am undecided on religion.  
          • I'll keep the "gay" part of me quiet until I know that I can support myself out there in this world. Better to be safe than to be sorry.
          • I don't fit the stereotypes nor do I feel the need to. Each person has different qualities that make up who they are. There are no guidelines for being yourself.
  • Relationships
    • I only had one. Really intense relationship and short relationship. 1 month and 3 weeks. Intense as in, everything was there. Although there wasn't a true balance - that could of easily been fixed if communication was better. It makes sense why I started to feel distant from him, because he was trying to pull away. I probably started feeling a little bit distant around month 1. He started to pull away when he found out something about his health that would hinder my efforts in being happy. We just recently "broke up" due to some uncontrollable reasons involving his health. Genuine man. We are currently not talking. I don't know what is in store for the future for both of us, but I am just going with the flow now. 
    • I'm humble at first, takes me a while to 'open up'. Most of my friends are girls, and it feels like I'm more comfortable around them than guys. Reason being: Girls are more easier to talk to for me. It's weird because I've always been surrounded by girls when I was younger. School too. I would rarely be around the guys, there was a case in 4th grade where I tried to fit in with the guys - but I spent the majority of the time in recess with the girls. Interesting right? 
  • My reason for being here...
    • Like a journal, I thought it would be more organized to write out my thoughts on a blog. Yeah, I know I could keep a journal for that. I tried keeping a personal journal but it got tiresome to constantly write down and let alone keep up with the constant pace of my thoughts.
  • Interests/hobbies
    • On my down time, I like to draw. I'm not an artist, but drawing is one of those activities that lets my mind wander off. It is something that I enjoy doing because it calms me down. I like reading also so if you know of any books just comment below. I'm not really genre specific.
    • I don't watch a lot of t.v. When I do watch tv, it's usually the news or something on the National Geographic/Sci/food channel or sometimes cartoons with my sisters. I think my sister, Jennifer is a Disney channel person so I happen to be around whenever she's watching like.. Wizards of Waverly Place/Fish hooks. She likes Nick too so I basically seen all the Spongebob episodes out there 'cause of her, haha.
    • I enjoy cooking.  
    • Nursing major
    • I didn't play any sports in high school. I was basically that humble kid with AP/honors classes. I'm not really athletic, but I'm not out of shape either. I have a fast metabolism, slim, 5"7-ish. I plan on starting a workout plan really soon as soon as I can grab a hold of a gym membership. I'm applying to several places in hopes to get hired so I can have some extra funds. It's true that college students are broke because I know I am.
    • I played WoW which was basically my addiction back in the days. Now = I quit. I'm better off spending that 15$ monthly membership fee on food or something :P.
  • Misc info
      • I'm fairly an optimistic person because of my past. I had constant struggles with my family and my sexuality in the past. I couldn't accept who I was and hid it. But you know what, I know this is who I am. I am me. The past doesn't DEFINE my present or future. Rather, it paved the way for who I am today. My heart was recently broken for the first time. For those that have experienced heartbreak, you know the wrenching emotional pain. I was a zombie for weeks, but now I am stepping into the light. I am coming out as a better person. It hasn't been a smooth road for me, but that's life. It's not always going to be sunshine, but you can only learn how to appreciate the sunshine if you experience the storm. 
      • Long ago, in my Junior high years, I remember a classmate asking my teacher(something along these lines) "It would be great to live in Hawaii all the time. That's paradise. Sunshine and warm weather all the time.", my teacher responded: "Well.. not really. I wouldn't want to live in Hawaii all the time, because you won't appreciate the natural beauty if you're with it all the time."
      • Simple question, yet it applies to life as well. There are many tourist destinations in the world. Disneyland, in California is an example. I lived near Disneyland at one point of my life, and each night there would be a display of fireworks in the sky at precisely 9 pm, everyday. When I first moved there I thought it was pretty cool to be living near one of the main attractions in California. I mean how awesome is it to see tourists walking around all the time? What about hearing fireworks and seeing them in the sky everyday? Well, after awhile I couldn't appreciate it anymore because it was ALWAYS around. I lived with it. After constant nights of hearing the loud bangs, I finally came to the conclusion that it was ANNOYING to hear those booms and bangs. Now that I moved across the country, I miss it. 
        • Ever heard of this line? You don't know what you have until it's gone.. Yep. I'd love to go back to California. The closest thing to California is Florida, which is one state below me. Spring break anyone? :)
          • Yeah I tend to go off topic sometimes. My writing will be somewhat unorganized. I just write whatever is on my mind at that moment and that's that.