Where do I even start? I'm at work right now and my mind is all over the place.(Well I wrote this on Monday so I'm really not at work right now. It's Saturday night right now.. I've been extremely busy.. need some time to catch up on my blog reading/social life soon!)
I guess I'll start off by describing how my job is like. I'm basically a receptionist. I make appointments for people, and call them and also confirm them. I sit up in the front at a desk and I'm the first thing they see. To make it obvious, there's even a red arrow plastered on the desk pointing up to me that says "Please sign in using the form here." You'd be amazed at how many people do not sign in and it's somewhat annoying because I have to enter their information in the computer. I guide them in to the tables or whatever they need to be, and sometimes I clean the pedicure chairs when it's busy which is always. I do the basic cleaning stuff, and I mop/vaccum and close at the end of the day. Our business hours are from 8 am to 7pm so I have a pretty long shift, but it's much easier than fast food. I'd never want to work at fast food after hearing all the experiences that my friends have gone through. Being around frying stuff like all that oil and coming home smelling like an item on the menu doesn't sound too exciting, does it? Pretty chill though. I noticed that there aren't a lot of guys in this town (my age). There's a bunch of girls, but barely any guys! I guess straight guys have an advantage here because there's many to choose from. I get hit on every now and then, but by girls. I would bluntly say I'm not interested but I gotta be kind to everyone since my job is on the line lol. Where all the boys at? We'll find out when I start college in September :).
Our shop is in Walmart so I get to see a bunch of eye candy and also lots of unusual things that you usually wouldn't see.. I mean I see BIZZARE stuff all the time, entertainment and comedy at work. Which reminds me of this website that has pictures of funny things/people others see at Walmart. [Click that link->
PeopleOfWalmart] Back then, my best friend and I would go to Walmart because we had nothing else to do. That was like our hang out spot. From playing with the toys to doing weird stuff to other shoppers, that was the bomb. Sometimes we would both look at each other and have no idea what to do, then both of us just stare at each other for 5 seconds and know where we would want to go. Hahah, it's pretty funny because used to go there at 4 in the morning during our hang out days. Usually, if I hung out with my best friend's house late at night that would automatically turn into me sleeping over. Some people don't see the fun in Walmart, but when you hang around the right person then Walmart is like an amusement part for us. Now there's no need to take trips to Walmart because I basically LIVE in Walmart with my work being "in" Walmart haha.
Every now and then we have tourists from all over the world that come to town to do their nails and it's nice to have a little chit chat with them asking them how life is from where they're from and other questions.
For instance, I met a tourist from Australia the other day. She and her husband just retired, and I think they're about in their 50's and they're on their way to Mantiboa, Canada so they happened to cross my town on the way. Probably one of the most down to earth persons' I've ever met. I didn't know that greeting a complete, random stranger would turn into a 30 minute conversation that I would always. She was so happy, and her husband was the same way too. I asked them why they were so happy, of course they would be happy cause they're traveling but she told me that she lived a great life and she's ready to relax now. Her 40th wedding anniversary was coming up too. I guess they were having a trip of their lifetime because they did say they went many U.S. cities. She went into depth about that but it would probably take a bunch of novels to explain what she told me. Basically, I could telll she lived by a motto was "Be happy now, because there might not be a tomorrow." It does make sense to live by that motto, really it does.
Linda, one of my close friends, says that it's a blessing for me to have moved over here and I completely agree that it is a blessing. I am much happier, and I guess my happiness is growing by the day. I realize that there's too much in this life to make a fuss about, I'm only here for a short amount of time and you are too. Why focus on something that will never change or doesn't look so great right now? Instead, turn the negative energy into positive energy. You will send off vibes that will be great. If you want something at life.. GO GET IT! 'CAUSE YOU MIGHT MISS IT! GIVE YOUR BEST SHOT.. And if that shot doesn't work.. then move onto something else. Replace the happiness that you lost with another, because there will certainly be another. You're gonna miss out if you focus on something that never changes, because there's something much much more better out there for you. Whether it be a new job, new opportunity, new friendships, new interest, hobby, or even make over. DO IT. Make yourself happy. Don't care about what others think because you run your life. You run this place. You honestly can't pin point happiness because as my friend Linda said, quoted from one of the LDS Conferences talk in which she mentioned in her speech to the church last Sunday, "Happiness comes in small packages. It's up to you to treasure it." (I'm going to have to ask her about this quote because I don't quite remember it, but I remember having a phone date with her - she told me about her speech and it hit me real good. Like a rebirth or something.) You might find fake treasure along the way but there's something bigger on the other side, worth more than anything.
There's many ways to view that quote.
I like to break things down literally in my head to analyze things because it really helps to focus on one issue at a time instead of thinking of EVERYTHING at once.
Relationship view:
For instance, giving up on hopes of my ex coming back has made me a better person. I'm much more happier, and I do not have to live with regret knowing I lost something good. I don't need anyone to be happy, because honestly, if I can't be happy on my own, then that means I'm DEPENDENT on someone else for that emotion. And being dependent isn't attractive at all. He made me happy for a moment, but totally trashed that moment. Then, that caused unhappiness in my life. What did I do? I gave my best and all, and now I let go.
Grudges?
No.
Regrets?
No.. Because at that very moment, he meant something extraordinary and special in my life. He bought a lot of happiness, and tears at the same time. I loved him, and I'm pretty sure he does too.. I don't think I can ever stop loving him, who knows. He might not know this, but I love him in a different way. No longer romantic, but from the ashes of once was burnt, but healed heart. Chapter closed and done.
Forgiven?
Yes. I believe that in order to really let go, you have to forgive that person for whatever they did; no matter how hurtful things might of been, it takes guts and time to get to this point where you cling onto hope of "them" coming back.
Do I still think about him?
Of course. He was my first. I had many memories with him - on both sides of the equation good and bad. They remain frozen in the book called "my history." They are frozen like still photographs of him and I together. Everything remains frozen as the snow continues to blizzard on top of those memories. I wonder how he is doing, what things he is doing in his life.. But I realize that anything else is no longer in my control, for example: his health and his desire to inform me about his health is up to him. I'm no longer in that position to worry like that anymore.
Do you have hope?
Hope is dangerous place. Hope for what? Hope for him coming back? I've moved on as I crushed any hopes of him coming back. I'm moving on to do great things with my life. I'm happy. In my mind and heart, I wish him the very best in life and hope he one day finds what he is looking for. I sent that message off in the universe - the vast space of time will hear the message, and eventually he will find his own path to happiness - whether it be different from my path; I'm fine because all I want to see is him smiling, one day far down the road.
Being single sounds good right now because who needs relationships anyways, I gotta get my life and career aspect settled down first right?! I guess I'm living "forever alone" right now. Just kidding, not forever, maybe until Cam Gigandet shows up or Mr. "Knight in Shining armour" comes by.
Family conflict view:
As you know (or might not know), I moved out of my mom's. She has nothing to do with me anymore and I have nothing to do with her. My sisters are trapped basically in that house with an abusive man. But look, it's happened numerous times and countless times in her life for her not to learn her mistakes. I can't change how someone lives their life but I did try. I gave my attempt at letting her know what she was doing with her life, and that failed so I let go. I'm in a better place now. Though I am worried about my little sisters, I'd worry about my life first before theirs.
School view:
Now this one, I'm sure you can relate to. Remember back in the days, (or maybe now), your teacher told you that there was a test "next week" and you ended up staying up last minute the day before the test, studying? Then when you took the test the next week, you totally bombed it? Well, I guess that's a lesson learned (for some, lol). You gave your best shot at it! But did you stare and mop all over the test hating yourself for it? No, not really. maybe the first two days or week but then you say you'll do your best the next time. Lesson learned right? That was a bad example because I know some people who "procrastinate" ahem, me, that still do. Though I don't bomb tests as often.
Fire view:
Have you touched a stove that was really hot? Or maybe a pot that was hot? And you instantly moved your hand and knew not to do it again? Maybe you don't remember, because that was such at a young age that you knew not to put your hand on a hot stove. But you learned from it. And that can be applied to life..
As long as you give your best shot at things, you aren't a quitter. You didn't give up because you tried. There's a difference between not trying, and giving up. In reality, you try and then you fail. You can either keep on trying or use that energy on something else that will be more better. That's what I'm doing, using my energy into positives now.
In conclusion: you make mistakes. you get hurt badly, you learn from them. and then is where the growth as a unique individual you are, begins.
"Never give up, never surrender."
-Buzz Lightyear
Ending this post with a upbeat song. I think it suits well for how things are goin!
Random song:
Best love song - T-Pain. I heard this on the radio on the way home from work, turned it up WAYY loud. Enjoyable ride home with the bass and everything. I'm diggin it!
Later guys,
Anthony
